Our return policy = No return needed!
Shopping on the superinternet ninjahighway has become a lot safer since the wild west days of the early noughties. Many an innocent shopper could fall to their fatal doom at the hands of a sinister cyberbully, masked behind a reassuringly rural lemonade stall.
All that has changed now – online lemonade retailers need to prominently display a certificate of authentication, alongside a story board detailing the life of each individual lemon that has entered your glass. But one problem still remains… what if the glittering shimmering thing you have purchased turns out to be a dud? A let down? Significantly less than expected? With clothes buying, that likelihood increases.
You can return it I guess? But that means going to the Post Office, queueing up alongside actual people (!), and generally wasting your valuable lunch break / life, for something that is as pleasurable yet far less productive as a visit to the dentist. So we, at Dicky Ticker, have constructed a unique ‘Dicky Ticker Guarantee’ that will completely put your mind at rest. A guarantee that is unrivalled by any other t-shirt retailer, or (we imagine) any retailer of anything at all. It is this:
Buy a t-shirt from us, and if you don’t think it’s worth what you paid for, we will make you a full refund (minus the P&P costs), and you can keep the tee.
A genuine, no risk purchase. All we ask is that you fill in a quick survey (a meagre two questions), to take your details and reasons why you weren’t happy (so we can… you know…change. We can try, right?), and the refund is yours.
The following terms apply to the Dicky Ticker Guarantee. I know what you’re thinking – “Here we go. I bet I need to produce my Great-Grandmother’s birth certificate in French…” – but it’s not like that at all. Just a few caveats to make sure the guarantee works, as intended:
1) Each person and / or household can only take advantage of the guarantee once.
Why? We guess that if you are unhappy with the quality of one of our shirts, they you won’t like the rest. Simarly, other people in your household can take a look at the tee and decide for themselves. Unless you’re really mean…
2) The guarantee only applies to the first t-shirt you order.
Why? Again, if you’ve purchased before, and want to purchase again, then you must be happy with what we sell. Unless you are really really daft. We can’t, for example, ship 100 t-shirts to the same person and then refund them all.
3) We cannot refund the P&P costs. The post, and packaging charge covers (yep, you guessed it), the cost of postage, the cost of the packaging, and the labour of the people in the warehouse who diligently pack and ship your items. None of those costs can be recovered by us. The P&P charge is clearly displayed during the check-out process, so you know exactly how much this is. It goes without saying that our P&P rates are what it cost us to get the item to you, we aren’t dining out on it.
4) This only applies to items purchased from our website.
5) To claim, just sign into your account, and contact us, requesting a refund under the guarantee. You will then be given a URL to a survey (carried out by the fine folks at Survey Monkey). Here you can enter your order details (email address / order number), and answer two questions about why you were not happy. There are no pop-ups, or advertising nonsense. No distractions. It’ll take a minute or two max.
The two questions are:
“For what reason was the t-shirt unsatisfactory?”
“Rather than a full refund, would you be willing to pay something for the tee?”
And that’s it.